Dear Jack

  To my sweet boy who is now four years old. Who has grown into such a polite, caring, and gentle soul. My lover of Despicable Me, Toy Story, dinosaurs, and chocolate pudding. You have changed my world so much in the last four years, that I can't imagine my world without you in it. You are hilarious. The things you ask me daily sometimes catch me off guard and I can't help but giggle. What I love most is when you wake up in the morning and still need cuddles from your mama. Though you are becoming more and more independent as you grow older, I love that you still want to me hold you, carry you, kiss your boo boo's, and tell you bedtime stories.

  As a mom, I question myself daily. Praying that you feel enough love from me. Hoping you always feel safe and taken care of. I just want you to know that is exactly what I feel from you everyday. You keep me going, make me a better person, challenge me, and accept me for who I am. I am so lucky to be your mom. It's literally the best thing I have accomplished in my lifetime.

  I love that you look just like your dad and are just as silly. I love that we have the same eyes. Every time I look into them I see a little glimpse of myself and that makes me proud. I love that you have a little bit of OCD in you and that you need everything in its place. You can dress yourself, brush your teeth, bathe yourself, put your dishes away and help with chores. You always love to help your daddy fluff the pillows. And you're just the best at helping vacuum. I just love everything about you. I could go on forever.

  Since you were born you have always been a co-sleeper. It's what's brought me the most joy. I take comfort in hearing you breathe, seeing you chest move up and down, knowing you are safe and secure. You always reach out to find my hand in the middle of the night to make sure I am there. I love that bond. Ever since your birthday we have moved you into your own room. You are a big boy now and more independent. You have been doing such a good job, but last night was the first night I did not lay with you. You said you would be okay to go to sleep by yourself with the light on. Even though I am so proud, I couldn't help but feel some type of way last night. You're growing up and now you won't need me as much. I took extra time to study your face after you were asleep. You were so peaceful, so big. my heart ached to climb in that bed and just lay there, but you don't need that anymore. Maybe it is me who is more attached, but I will have to accept this as another chapter starting in our little life.

I can't wait to see where four takes you to. My little April Fools baby.

love,
your mama