Monday, December 2, 2013

Signs

I am a firm believer in signs. Not little signs, gigantic ones. I need to know that God is putting something out there, so loud and so bold, that it stops me in my tracks and makes me examine, study and inspect this "sign".

My mind is rapidly moving 24/7. Non stop. like one of those little hamster wheels. I am constantly thinking about my future, my past, my husband, my son, my family, chores, bills, things we need, things I need to change, thing I need to accept, being a friend, being a better mother, being a better wife..... I don't stop. I get migraines, I get tired-- It's never ending and it's exhausting.

T.J. and I have talked a lot about babies. Mainly I've been talking and he's been "listening" watching football. I want another child so badly, but if you really get down to the core, we financially can not make it work. Although we said that before Jack was here and we have made it this far, but we have stretched every penny to make it work. T.J. works two jobs. I work full time. We barely see each other during the week. We are two ships passing in the night (one is screaming for coffee, the other only speaks in grunts and moans).

Can we do it? Can we go through sleepless nights, bottle making, diaper changing, first colds, fist boo boo's, first day at daycare--- first EVERYTHINGS all over again? How do people have more than one child? We are so good with our money, have no credit cards, pay all of our bills ahead of time, yet I don't know if we can manage it financially an extra little nugget.

We have been going back and forth for months, maybe a year, to the big question, " Will Jack get a sibling?" For a long time I almost felt badly for thinking about another baby. Jack is still growing and is still so much a mama's boy, that I almost felt that I would be pushing him aside by bringing in another baby. Crazy, right? I already know I am.

As I was driving to work and thinking about babies for the 1089854986498 time this morning and thinking about how beautiful it would be to see Jack being such an amazing big brother, I got a sign. I literally opened my phone and someone had posted an article that said something about why most families have 2 children. I read this article, I don't usually ready articles that people post, but I opened this one. It was so beautifully written, like God was speaking to me.

Of course Jack has said that he can only have a brother and his name has to be Jordan(?)...he's silly.

Here's my sign: